


Every Time, Every Place

by CheshireMoon



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Dimension, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Hurt, Hurt Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-02
Updated: 2014-09-02
Packaged: 2018-02-15 21:18:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2243817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheshireMoon/pseuds/CheshireMoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Dean loses both Sam and Castiel.  Gabriel comes out of hiding and presents a solution.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every Time, Every Place

**Author's Note:**

> If you like this, let me know in the comments! I am thinking of adding a few more chapters.

Dean has experienced pain in his life.  He’d been shot, stabbed, and thrown into walls.  Pain was not something that was foreign to him, not by a long shot.  The solution to the pain could always be found with the help of bandages and pain killers.

When he woke up as a lonely John Doe in a non-descript hospital, however, he finally came to understand the truest pain one can feel.  His doctor told him that he was found, unconscious and very nearly dead in an alleyway with wounds that were frankly puzzling.  Dean ignored all of their questions and demanded to know where Sam and Cas were.  The doctor glanced down at his feet with a look of carefully tailored sympathy and everything in Dean simply collapsed.

He barely listened when the doctor explained that there was nothing to be done for his two companions that had been found alongside him in the alleyway.  All Dean knew was that all the aches and pains of his wounds faded away in the face of the monstrosity that had taken residence in his chest.  The doctor eventually left him to his grieving.  Dean laid there, blinking at the ceiling, waiting to wake up from the nightmare. 

Sam and Cas couldn’t be gone.  Not both of them, not _either of them._   There’s no way they could be gone and he could still be alive.  There was no Sam to nag him to face his feelings about losing Cas, and there was no Cas to mojo his brother back to life somehow. 

He started to get up, started to rip the IV out of his arm.  He was dazed and in pain, but he couldn’t fathom spending another moment in the sterile, white environment of the hospital.  His vitals monitor started going crazy and somewhere nearby an alarm went off.  Several nurses rushed in, grabbing at him and attempting to make him lie down. 

“They’re gone. I can’t be here. Leave me alone,” Dean tried to tell them.  His voice betrayed him, however, and all that came out is a groan of the purest type of pain.  He felt a brief pinpoint of pain in his arm, and then his vision started to go dark.  His thoughts swirled down some proverbial drain and everything went black.

_“You’re really… Y’know, in love with him?”  Sam asks.  “I thought you were strictly into chicks?”  Dean throws his hands up helplessly._

_“I don’t know what to tell you, Sammy.  All I know is I can’t stop thinking about him.  I keep having this thoughts and…” Dean trails off and Sam merely smiles in acknowledgement._

_“Well, for the record, I think it’s pretty cool.  Weird as hell, sure.  Never thought I’d see the day when my brother falls for an angel, but hey.”  Dean can’t help but grin at the approval in his little brother’s voice.  The grin fades somewhat in the next moment, however._

_“Do you think Cas might feel the same way?  Oh man, if I tell him and he doesn’t, I’m going to feel like a complete ass,” Dean groans, collapsing into the chair beside Sam, dropping his face into his hands.  The younger brother claps a hand down on his big brother’s shoulder, still smiling._

_“I’m pretty sure he does, Dean.  Remember the whole ‘a more profound bond,’ incident?”  Sam asks, doing his best to imitate Castiel’s low, rough voice.  Dean raises his head to look at his brother._

_“Y’think?”  He asks hopefully._

_“I’m sure of it.”_

Dean woke slowly, and at first he was blissfully unaware.  He forgot that he was in the hospital, he forgot his injuries, he forgot that his brother and his angel are dead.  He laid there, eyes closed, still swimming in the remains of the drug-induced sleep.  When his mind started to clear, however, his heart dropped and the pain collides back into him.  He opened his eyes to the stark white ceiling of his hospital room, and the first tears sprang to his eyes.  They slid down his cheeks and a quiet sob ripped its way out of his chest.

“Sir?  Are you in a lot of pain?”  A nurse asked from nearby.  Dean couldn’t even find it within himself to turn his head to look at her, nor to answer her.  He simply continued to stare upwards as a single thought ran through his mind.

 _“I want to die, I want to die, I want to die, I want to be dead with them, I want to be dead, I want to die.”_ The words swam in front of his eyes as the pain that was so much worse than a pain continued to tear at his chest until he though his heart might burst out of his ribs. 

“Sir?”  The nurse asked again. 

“I want to die,” Dean said without looking at her, vocalizing the one desire that was dominating every thought that went through his mind.  Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see the nurse pause and hesitate.

“Do you need more medication, sir?”  She asked uncertainly.  Dean took a deep, shuddering breath that ended up coming out as a sob.

“Put me back to sleep. Never wake me up.  I shouldn’t be alive anyway,” Dean answered her at last. 

“If your pain is very severe, I can sedate you again, sir.  Is that what you want?”  The nurse inquired.  Dean squeezed his eyes shut, more tears streaking their way down his face.

“Just—please,” Dean muttered.  Before long, the drowsiness started to overtake him again, and soon unconsciousness claimed him for its own.  As he disappeared, he tried to imagine that he was dying and is going to be with Sam and Cas.

_“You… love me, Dean?”  Cas canted his head to the side curiously, a strange mixture of hope and awe in his ethereal blue eyes.  Dean sees the expression on the angel’s face and hope soars through his chest._

_“Yes,” he says simply, his voice quivering slightly.  The hope that he experiences deflates moments after the word is out of his mouth.  What is he doing?  His loving anyone has never done anything but gotten them killed.  His loving someone always ends in tragedy, it always ends in disaster.  He suddenly can’t look at Cas, can’t look at the angel who dragged him out of Hell, who chose him over Heaven, who has saved his life more time than Dean could count.  Telling Cas had been a mistake.  This realization crashes down on him, and he shuts down.  There’s a heavy beat of silence, and then Cas steps close._

_“Dean.  I’ve been with you and Sam for several years now, and I am still learning what it means to be human, though I am an angel.  Love seems to be one of the great mysteries of human interaction.  It is the emotion that captivates me the most.  I love my Father.  I love my Brothers and my Sisters.  Despite this, what I feel for you is different.  I know that it is… love, but it is of a different kind than what I feel for my Heavenly family.  Is this what it means to be ‘in love?’”  Cas’ voice is soft and full of wonder as he speaks.  The same wonder that is in his voice whenever he discovers something fundamentally human that tugs at his Grace in the most interesting way._

_Dean can’t help but look up to find Cas very close, within arm’s reach.  He wants to take back his words, tell Cas that he was kidding or confused, but the words freeze in his throat as he looks into Cas’ eyes.  The blue eyes that had become an anchor for him.  The eyes that had the ability to calm any storm that raged through his mind.  He reached out weakly, his fingers catching on the lapel of Cas’ trench coat.  No words are exchanged for several beats of Dean’s heart._

_“This is what it means to be in love, Cas,” Dean says at last, his voice soft and vulnerable.  He tugs Cas close, but rather than kissing him, as he’d imagined he would when he finally confessed to Cas, he simply embraces him.  He tucks the angel in close, wrapping his arms around him and burying his face in Cas’ shoulder.  It takes the angel a moment to get his bearings, but he’s soon returning the hug, holding Dean close.  They remain like that for what feels like an eternity, simply basking in each other’s presence._

Dean’s days in the hospital were disjointed.  Time lost its meaning, and his memories of his time at the hospital became jumbled and confused.  His stay at the hospital was full of pain medications that numbed his injuries but did nothing for the pain that he willed to go away with all of his broken, shattered heart.  As often as the doctors and nurses would allow it, Dean asked to be put under.  He told them that the pain was too much to bear, though they never know that he wasn’t talking about his wounds.

Asking to be sedated, however, eventually stopped working.  His injuries began to heal, and they stop believing him when he told them that he couldn’t bear the pain anymore.  They kept him under observation for several days when he continued to tell them that he wants to die. 

A police officer came to him at some point, Dean couldn’t remember what day it was precisely, and asked for details about the attack on him and his companions.  Dean couldn’t tell them that they were ambushed by demons, so he came up with a generic mugging-gone-wrong story.  It seemed to satisfy them.

Eventually, however, Dean just stopped talking.  He stopped crying, he stopped asking for more medication, he stopped saying that he wants to die.  Instead, he laid in his hospital bed day after day, staring at the ceiling, trying to lose himself in memories of Sam and Cas.  He tried his damnedest to lose himself within his mind, where he could pretend that they’re alive and well and that he was not alone. 

At some point, he was discharged.  When he first left the hospital, dressed in new clothes that some pitying nurse saw fit to buy him to replace his bloody, tattered ones, Dean was disoriented.  He simply stood there for several long minutes, staring down at the sidewalk, trying to figure out what he was supposed to do.  His first instinct was to call Sam, but as soon as the phone was out of his pocket, he realised his folly.  The monster in his chest clawed at his heart once more, and Dean was paralysed in the knowledge that his baby brother and his angel are gone.

Somehow, he managed to eventually stir himself into motion, walking across town to the motel where he, Sam and Cas had been staying.  Without another thought, he got in the Impala, pulled out onto the road and started to drive.

For the first time, he didn’t turn on any music.  He lost himself in the growl of the engine and the silence of the open highway when he hit it.

_“There’s been some strange activity in a small town in Oregon,” Sam calls to Dean as he walks by.  Dean pauses to lean over Sam’s laptop, skimming over the articles his brother has pulled up._

_“So, you think we should check it out?”  Dean asks, straightening up and taking a bite out of his sandwich._

_“I think we haven’t had a case in a while and we might as well check it out,” Sam answers, closing his laptop.  “You gonna call your boyfriend to come with us?”  Sam asks, his lips curling up into a teasing grin.  Dean rolls his eyes, but smiles around his bite of sandwich, swallowing before he answers._

_“What are you, like, five?”  Dean asks.  Sam merely shrugs his shoulders, still grinning.  Since Dean and Cas had become a going concern, Sam simply could never resist the urge to get a little joke or jab in here or there.  Never mean, always in good fun, but he had never seen Dean so radiant, so happy.  The trio had felt more like a family in the past few months than ever before.  Whatever case they were on, whatever trials they were put through, they did it together, coming out of it smiling and happy and a family.  It wasn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination.  They were all still fairly broken in their own ways, but they still managed to find happiness, which had been rare in the Winchesters lives._

_“Hey, Cas?”  Dean calls out before taking another nibble of his sandwich._

_“Hello, Dean,” comes the familiar reply from behind Dean, who turns to beam at him.  Cas perks an eyebrow rather dramatically, stepping forward.  He leans forward and swipes his thumb across the corner of Dean’s mouth, pulling it away to reveal a small bit of mustard that had been smeared across Dean’s lower lip.  Sam looks on at the two with a gentle, brotherly fondness._

Dean somehow found himself back at the Bunker.  As he entered, he found it achingly empty, hollow, haunted.  He could hear the echoes of conversation, of laughter, even of arguments.  Their presences still lingered, though they were gone, and Dean broke down the moment he entered the library.  Sam’s normal chair was entirely too empty, devoid of Dean’s moose of a brother.  He collapsed into the chair next to it and doubled over in pain.

“Cas!”  He cried out, his voice rough and cracking from disuse.  He waited for the familiar flutter of wings, but there was nothing.  “Cas, please,” he tried again, knowing that his effort was futile. 

“Oh God,” he muttered, his hands covering his face, fingers dragging down over his cheeks.  He couldn’t think of a way to get them back.  Every idea was defeated somehow.  It was demons that killed them, so no crossroads demon in their right mind would make another deal with him to bring them back.  He straightened up slightly to look around him with blurred eyes.

“Please,” he whispered, clasping his hands together as if to pray.  He didn’t know who he was begging to, he didn’t know who he was speaking to, but he talked anyway.  “Please, someone.  I don’t care who you are, just someone help me.  I can’t do this, I need them.  I need my brother, I need Cas.  Please.”  His head fell until his forehead met his knuckle, expecting nothing. 

His heart leapt into his throat when the sound of wings rustling sounded from behind him.  He got to his feet so quickly that the chair clattered backwards as he whipped around.  Standing before him is not the black haired, blue eyed angel that he longed to see.  Instead, he found himself looking into golden whiskey eyes. 

“Gabriel.  You’re dead,” Dean said, all of his hope collapsing once more, his voice deflating to a defeated monotone.  Gabriel’s cocky smirk disappeared at the ruined sight of Dean.  His shoulders slumped, his head hanging, dark circles under both his eyes, his green eyes dead.  Gabriel had hoped to surprise the Winchesters with his triumphant return, but he was faced with someone who barely seemed human, someone who barely seemed alive.

“What the hell happened to you, Dean?  Where’s Sammy-boy?  Where’s my baby bro?  I thought you all were glued at the hip.”  Gabriel asked as he crosses his arms over his chest.  Dean flinched at his words, standing his chair up again so that he could fall back into it.  He licked his chapped, cracked lips before speaking in a shattered voice.

“They’re dead,” he said simply.  Gabriel’s expression fell completely and he re-examined Dean.  He’d been in hiding for quite some time, but he still remembered the infamous co-dependency that the Winchesters fostered.  He remembered a similar look in Sam’s eyes when Gabriel had attempted to teach him a lesson. 

Dean, however… Dean had almost no life within him.  Gabriel could see it.  The haunted, dead look in his eyes that reminded him chillingly of a corpse.  He approached the elder Winchester brother, stopping a few feet away.  Dean glanced up at him, and Gabriel saw a solitary spark in his green eyes.

“Gabriel,” Dean said simply.  “Gabriel.”  He repeated, his voice somewhat stronger.  “You’re an archangel.  You can bring them back, can’t you?”  Dean asked fervently, his eyes dancing with the ghost of hope once more.  Gabriel, for all his jokes and snark, couldn’t help but feel heartbroken for Dean.

“Dean, I can’t bring them back to life, if that’s what you’re asking,” Gabriel told him slowly, almost despising himself as he watched the hope in Dean’s eyes break down.  He himself felt a small ache in his chest at Castiel’s loss.  He’d always been fond of his rebellious little brother.

“You’ve got to do something.  You can’t just do nothing.  Gabriel, man, I can’t take this.  Knowing that they’re both gone…” Dean pursed his lips tightly, a little tremble going through him.  “It’s killing me.  I wish it would kill me. I should have died with them.”  Gabriel examined him closely, breathing out a long sigh.

“There might be something I can do, Dean, but you might not like it,” Gabriel said at last.  Dean perked up immediately, even getting to his feet.

“What is it?”  He demanded.  Gabriel almost regretted speaking, but it was the only possible solution that he could think of. 

“Well, you remember how my brother Balthazar sent you and your brother to that alternate dimension?”  Gabriel asked slowly.  Through his haze of pain and faint hope, Dean nodded, remembering well his and Sam’s time as “Jensen Ackles” and “Jared Padalecki.”  He’d have laughed if he could have.

“There are other dimensions, other worlds.  There’s an endless number of them, in fact.”  Dean simply continued to stare at Gabriel, waiting for him to get to the point.  Gabriel continued, “There is a dimension where there is a Sam and a Castiel who have lost you, perhaps even in the same event in which you lost them.  I might be able to send you to them without having to resort to the ritual that Balthazar used.”  Dean’s heart swelled in his chest, not with pain but with opportunity.

“Can you send me there?”  He asked almost breathlessly. “Will you?” 

“It’s generally frowned upon to travel between dimensions, let alone send someone there with the intention that they do not return to their own world,” Gabriel began.  He gave Dean another once over, taking in his rough, broken appearance.  “Are you sure that’s what you want?  They won’t technically be your Sam and Castiel.  They might have gone through some different experiences, might be a little different from the ones that you knew.”  Dean was already nodding his head.

“I don’t care.  It’s Sam and Cas.  Any world, any time, it’s always supposed to be the three of us.  You’d be fixing two broken worlds, Gabriel.  Please.”  Dean looked to him pleadingly.  Gabriel let out a slight huff.

“I guess it’s easy to understand why Cassie was always breaking the rules for you two…” He muttered under his breath.  Aloud to Dean, he said, “Alright.  You’ll have to let me explain to them.  I can’t just poof you up in front of them, you can understand how that might be traumatic.”  Dean nodded again.

“Okay,” he said simply.  Gabriel stepped close and laid his hand on Dean’s shoulder.  There was a brief flash of light and then Dean found himself in his bedroom in the bunker, without Gabriel.  He looked around him.  He could tell his room hadn’t been touched in quite some time.  It looked desolate and lonely, and Dean came to the conclusion that Gabriel had transported him to the alternate dimension that he’d spoken of.  His heart was hammering against the inside of his ribs.  He longed to rush out of the bedroom, to search for Sam and Cas, but he forced himself to wait.  Gabriel had said that he needed time to explain the situation to this reality’s Sam and Castiel, and difficult as it was to wait, Dean respected that.

He sat down on the edge of his bed, or rather the other Dean’s bed.  His brows pulled together in confusion.  Technically it was his, even if it wasn’t.  He shook his head, clearing it of the thoughts.  His mind was reeling.  He was in an alternate dimension, one hopefully almost exactly like his own.  He was possibly about to get Sam and Cas back.  Perhaps not the same Sam and Cas, but still.  Any universe, any time, any world, they would still be his.  Cas would be his angel and Sam would be his brother. 

Before he could delve any further into his convoluted thoughts, the door to the bedroom flew open.  Sam and Cas stood in the doorway with Gabriel hovering behind them, watching with an unreadable expression.  Dean barely paid him any mind, his attention riveted on his brother and his angel, who were staring at him incredulously.  There were real, actual tears in Castiel’s eyes, and Sam simply looked as though he’d seen a ghost, pale and still.

“Dean?”  Cas asked, stepping forward.  Dean noticed that he had forsaken his normal suit and trench coat and instead was wearing a pair of jeans and a plaid button down.  Upon closer inspection, it appeared to be one of Dean’s shirts.  His shock slowly started to ebb away as he beheld the two of them.  He got to his feet and allowed himself to smile slightly.  He couldn’t be sure if they would accept him.  He knew that he technically wasn’t their Dean, he wasn’t the Dean that they had lost.  Then again, they weren’t the Sam and Castiel that he had lost, but he still wanted to hug them both, hold them and ensure he would never lose them again.

“Yeah Cas, it’s me,” Dean answered at last, his smile breaking out into a full on grin.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, let me know! I may add a few more chapters about Dean and Sam and Cas learning more about each other, with their worlds having a few minor but still important differences, etc. Or should I leave it here? Up to you guys! 
> 
> Have prompts/ideas for me? Find me @ sammylied.tumblr.com


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